ALECworks/Archive/2017/March 2017
General ALECrap # Want to know a potential reason why your state reps are susceptible to lobbying? It could be that some are making less than 30K a year =Possible ALECrap by state= Alabama Alabama Department of Corrections # In Alabama the state prison system is at approximately 180 percent of capacity, the number of correctional officers required is dangerously low, and the fire alarms don't properly work state Senator Gerald Allen (R, AL, 21st) # Governor Robert Bentley (R AL) # Alabama state Legislature # Let this sink in for a second: ALABAMA lawmakers may be showing more of a commitment to ethics and good government than the United States Congress right now, as the GOP-dominated legislature meets to discuss impeaching their Republican governor Arizona Arizona state Legislature # They'd have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling kids and their dumb watchdog. SCOOBY DOOBY DOO Joe Arpaio former Maricopa County Sheriff # Congratulations, Arizona citizens: you voted out Sheriff Joe last November, but you will be paying approximately $108 MEEEELLIONNNNN dollars this year to pay for his legal fees / lawsuit settlements Arkansas Arkansas state House # Bill just filed in the Arkansas State House, would "allow public school teachers to teach creationism and intelligent design as theories" alongside actual science. Surely, no one will notice this time Arkansas state Senate # Governor Asa Hutchinson (R AR) # Arkansas Governor signed a bill allowing people with CCW licenses to carry guns "at state colleges, some bars, government buildings and even the state Capitol." Said Governor Hutchinson at the signing: Yeee-HAW *blam* *blam* California Mayor Gary Soiseth (?, Turlock, CA) party affiliation unknown # Colorado Steve Curtix former chair, Colorado Republican Party # Trump was right, there was fraud during the election as chairman of major party in Colorado is charged with voter fraud and forgery during the 2016 election. Oh wait, he was the GOP chairman? Never mind then state Senator Tim Neville (R, CO, 16th) # Florida Florida state legislature # Want to kill someone? Do it in Florida, where it's basically legal now # Florida GOP finds novel way to solve invasive python problem: cut food stamps to 200,000 people and they'll be desperate enough to eat the snakes # One state prepares to make Stand Your Ground laws even worse for anyone who isn't an NRA member Governor Rick Scott (R FL) # Rick Scott fires prosecutor for getting uppity Aramis D. Ayala Florida state attorney # Rick Scott fires prosecutor for getting uppity Georgia Corry Bliss executive director, Georgia Republican Congressional Leadership Fund # New Rpublican ad attacks Democratic congressional candidate for... dressing up as Han Solo in college? Hawaii Rep. Beth Fukumoto (I, HI, 36th) Hawaii state House minority leader ## Illinois Mayor Roger Claar (R, Bolingbrook, IL) # Indiana Indiana state Legislature # Indiana doesn't care what medical science says, the LAW says you can reverse an abortion. Now put it back in Iowa state Rep. Shannon Lundgren (R, IA, 57th) ## state Senator Mark Chelgren (R, IA, 41st) # Republican Sen. from Iowa claims a business degree from Forbco Mgt. School. WTF is Forbco U. you might ask? Spokesman for the State Republican party says it's the Sizzler steakhouse version of a certificate from Hamburger U. at McDonalds ## Iowa politician with degree from Sizzler University denies he "mischaracterized" his background as he continues efforts to undermine state universities Kansas Governor Sam Brownback (R KS) # Brownback catches last chopper outta Saigon...er....Kansas # state Senator Steve Fitzgerald (R, KS, 5th) # Stupid: Man compares Planned Parenthood to Nazi concentration camp after someone makes a donation in his name. FARK: Kansas State Senator Steve Fitzgerald (R) Kansas state legislature ## # The Great Pumpkin is already on the cusp of defeating his first theocratic dictatorship, currently in negotiations to remove head of state of Brownbackistan # the state of Kansas # Kansas state Supreme Court # Supreme Court of Kansas orders school funding hike, as voters wonder if there is something... anything at all, that lies within their power to bring about some kind of change to the government which so consistently fails to represent them Kentucky former governor Steve Beshear (R KY) # Apparently not having learned their lesson from the past election, Democrats pick the most underwhelming candidate they could find to deliver the Democratic response to Trump. How underwhelming? Even Rachel Maddow panned him as small and stunty Maine Rep. Larry Lockman (R, ME 137th) # Maybe legislator introduces bill that would make it illegal to point out how stupid climate change deniers are Maryland Mayor Catherine Pugh (D, Baltimore) ## Massachusetts Governor Charlie Baker (R MA) # Governor sees Trump's attempt to f*ck over Planned Parenthood and promises to keep funding them even if the Feds pull out, no strings attached. Oh, and the governor is a Republican Michigan state water officials for Michigan # Flint residents must start paying for water they still can't drink without a filter, because fark you, that's why Missouri Governor Eric Greitens (R MO) # MO Gov. Eric Greitens is so committed to ethics reform, he personally setup a "non-profit" group to push agendas that he sets, and funded by dark money that only he knows about Montana state Rep. Randy Brodehl (R, MT, 9th) # Republicans in the Montana legislature introduce a revenge bill to completely defund county attorneys. Can we have a "WTF" tag now? Nevada Sharron Angle TeaParty trainwreck # All aboard...... Hahaha...... [Instrumental... I, I, I, I... fade Instrumental] New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R NJ) # Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm # Gov. Chris Christie victim blames all the recently fired U.S. attorneys. "They received notice that they were leaving office. That notice was given to them by the people of the country on November 8, when they elected a Republican president" # Bridget Kelly former deputy chief of staff for NJ Governor Chris Christie # Bill Baroni former Christie appointee to The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey # New York Ann Pfoser Darby Queens' Community Board 4's transportation committee member # Community Board member promises that NYC won't need bike lanes once all the immigrants are deported Governor Andrew Cuomo (D NY) # New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has hired two Florida fundraisers. Nudge nudge, wink wink # Mayor Bill de Blasio (D, New York City) # Preet-less prosecutors decline to charge DeBlasio with campaign-finance corruption. Thanks, Trump North Carolina state Senator Phil Berger (R, NC, 26th) # The manager of NC State Senator Phil Berger's Facebook page used 1 weird trick to spoof news articles written about NC governor Roy Cooper, violating Facebook policy. Berger's spokesperson immediately claims Facebook is wrong North Carolina state House # NC GOP House: You know, not a single NCAA tournament game will be played in our beautiful state this year. That's why we are repealing the latest HB2 repeal effort North Carolina legislature # NC Supreme Court to Republicans: Yeah, I don't think that power grab you tried after McCrory lost is going to work for us North Carolina the state or just the bathrooms? Yes. # South Carolina profits off of North Carolina's bathroom bill the state of North Carolina # North Carolina state Supreme Court # NC Supreme Court to Republicans: Yeah, I don't think that power grab you tried after McCrory lost is going to work for us Ohio state Rep. Wes Retherford (R, OH, 51st) # That Ohio state rep with the DUI arrest? Yeah, he was ordered by the speaker to remove a liquor cabinet from his office back in 2015 Governor John Kasich (R OH) # Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm # the state of Ohio is for animal lovers # Change your travel plans: sex with animals illegal in Ohio starting today Oklahoma state Rep. John Bennett (R, OK, 1st) # If you are a Muslim teen in Oklahoma you must answer a survey before meeting this representative state Senator Ralph Shortey (R, OK, 44th) # Oklahoman state senator has apparently chosen "live boy" off the scandal menu ## The Oklahoma state senator who was caught in a motel room with an underage boy was also a Trump campaign chair ## Actual headline: Oklahoma law allows Sen. Ralph Shortey to keep his state retirement even if convicted of prostitution with a minor certain Oklahoma state legislators # They say a lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math, and that includes state legislators who screw up their budget and misuse funding, right Oklahoma? state Rep. George Faught (R, OK, 14th) # Pennsylvania state Rep. Rick Saccone (R, PA, 39th) # Why does 'god' need a starship? er...senate seat? state Senator Scott Wagner (R, PA, 28th) ## state Rep. Gene DiGirolamo (R, PA, 14th) # Rhode Island Rhode Island state House # Lawmaker complains of 'file cabinets full of booze' at the Rhode Island State House. In other news, we've discovered where Fark's backup servers are located South Carolina South Carolina the state or just the bathrooms? Yes. # South Carolina profits off of North Carolina's bathroom bill state Rep. Eric Bedingfield (R, SC, 28th) ## South Dakota Governor Dennis Daugaard (R SD) ## SD governor signs bill forbidding LGBT couples from adopting if the adoption agency's religious beliefs go against having gay couples as parents. In other news, more SD children to be sent to orphanages, which would obviously be better for them Tennessee state Senator Joey Hensley (R, TN, 28th) # Uber-Christian TN lawmaker who sponsored "Don't Say Gay" bill, has been doing the satanic shuffle with a married woman, who just so happens to also be his cousin state Rep. Andy Holt (R, TN, 76th) # Tennessee state legislature ## Texas Texas GOP # Texas GOP message of the day: gay people only have rights when Democrats are in charge the state of Texas # As their Obamacare replacement cuts off funds for Planned Parenthood, Republicans want to reassure women that other clinics will step up to provide their low-cost breast exams, contraception and cancer screenings. Let's see how that worked in TX Texas state Senate # Texas passes bill allows doctors to withhold information from pregnant women about detected birth defects like Down's Syndrome, Republicanism, Cowboys fandom state Rep. Joe Straus (R, TX 121st) Texas House Speaker ## Utah Governor Gary Herbert (R UT) ## Mitt Romney Once and Future Governor ## Virginia Nathan Daniel Larson ex-felon, independent candidate Virginia House of Delegates ## Virginia man who spent sixteen months in jail for threatening to kill President Obama and who believes women should be denied the right to vote decides to run for political office Washington Bob Ferguson attorney general, Washington state # Ferguson vs Trump. Round 2, FIGHT West Virginia West Virginia state Senate ## To prepare for the resurgence in coal jobs that Trump has promised, West Virginia Senate proposes eliminating nearly all mine safety regulations Wisconsin Wisconsin election officials # News: Wisconsin election officials announce that they found evidence of election fraud. Fark: During Democratic Primary. Ultra fark: Blame Bernie Sanders for tweeting that 17 yr olds could vote, and these managed to do so despite law. Bernie won Governor Scott Walker (R WI) # Media reports that Trump is meeting with former rivals in a "charm offensive." Minus the charm